I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
