we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
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The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
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I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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