I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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