So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
