he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
