now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
