i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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