then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
