'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
