Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
