i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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