A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if only i could text you this smell
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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