So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
