nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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