Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
