I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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