i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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