CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
