I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My vagina just clenched in fear
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