i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
