i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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