woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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