Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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