Say something about gay babies.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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