Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There r osticjed everywhere
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
