and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
