Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
