Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
