Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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