can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
