it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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