Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
