nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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