So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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