Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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