I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
