***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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