I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
