Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
