you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
