another moral hangover. fuck.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
