I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
