I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
