just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
