oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
