Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
