Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
