whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
