i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
