Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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