I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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