she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So much rum. So many feels.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize