We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
