I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
