I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
