So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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