I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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