Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
