You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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