I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
