gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
jump out the window naked night went bad
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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