i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
