I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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