This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
