Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
