I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
