The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again