Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok