sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.