just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.