someone get that fucking seahorse.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?