tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?