so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
