and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
