he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
