I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
