yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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