Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
