I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
