Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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