i jhust puked up my retainher.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
