she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
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You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize