I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
