Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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