Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
