bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
nutella sex= disaster
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
