I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
